Saturday, July 16, 2011

Sick My Duck

As we all know, there's many names for oral sex (yeah I used that!) depending on who you're talking to. The first time I heard it called "head" I think I was in the 7th or 8th grade and my cousin said something about it. I had no idea what he was referring to, but I figured it out because Goddess forbid I actually ask (never would have lived that down). Over the years I've heard many more...some entertaining and some just plain stupid. I've also heard many names for mouths in reference to oral sex (cock holster being one of my favorites).
The reason this has come up on my mind is that some how fellatio (oh yeah...used that too!) has been a hot topic this week on television and in conversation. First off, I'd like to let everyone know that virgins are 6 times more likely to suck wieners. The thought that came up after hearing this was:
Who's happier? A man with a virgin that's getting tons of head?
OR
A man that's getting laid but not getting as much head?
If anyone can figure this out, let me know. Because men are in love with blow jobs I've decided from research (yes...I do randomly ask men stupid questions like this.). Some claim they like it more as foreplay and some don't care...but the general consensus is head is good. So which would be better??
The other thing that brought this up is this:
If a girl says she is sick to her stomach, the very last thing she wants to do is put a penis in her mouth!!!! Tease the Gag Reflex is not a game for someone with nausea.
Gentlemen, if we are nice enough to give you warning, please take caution. Not all women do this and you should be thankful. If we tell you that we'd like to kick you in the junk because you are causing us great anger, that means walk away and let it go for a minute. If we tell you that we are PMSing and may or may not snap at any minute, be on good behavior. (SIDENOTE: This could also be good for you to do, as we would probably like a heads up when you're in a shit mood because *insert random thing that makes men grumpy*) So when we say "I want to vomit" don't bring up head, dome, brains, polishing your knob, or any other term you'd like to use!!! Not only does that significantly lower your chances of actually getting any mouth time, it also is a sign you couldn't give a shit less and would probably offer to head butt us when we have a headache...