K

I don't know if it's just me (and judging by images on facebook, I assume not) but I hate somebody texting "k" to me. Was the "o" too much effort? Did I really not deserve the damn extra letter?
I am understanding of people who are busy and texting, and attempting to let me know they're alright with an idea I have presented via text in a quick and non-interferring way. I am not, however, understanding when you blow my phone up on a regular basis (and you know where I am, why I'm there, and what I'm doing) and show me as little respect to short hand text messages to me.
Had I not text you, I would have found an overwhelming abundance of text conversation "worrying' because I didn't answer, and maybe have even been aroused from my slumber by a phone call to find out why I hadn't responded...

"K" is NOT an acceptable response to:
*I'm going to set you on fire and use your singed skull as an ashtray
*Any question that requires a "yes" or "no"
*Am I taking you to work?
*Are you on your way?
*Did you use my diaphram?
*Why's the rum gone?
*Do I look like your bitch?
*Love you
*The 3rd text saying bye/goodnight/clocking in/etc

If you answer these texts with a "K", I will be inclined to continue to text massive annoying texts (because obviously what I said was interrupting your important activity!) and then promptly respond to anything you say to me in person with "k".

"K" is an acceptable response to:
*On my way
*Wanna do it?
*I forgot
*What letter is after J and before L?

Oh! That's What a Trolley Is!

Something that made me laugh recently:

**While watching the Cleveland Show, where this girl tried to get 2 boys to sleep with her and they avoid it at all costs**

Boy: No boy at that age would turn that down!?!?
Me: Boys that are die-hard Christians and virgins would. Not everybody are nasty sluts like you & your friends.
Boy: I don't need my friends to run a train!!!!
Me:.........ummm........you need someone...
Boy: No! I hit it, run around, high 5 myself, and hit it again.
Me: That's like...the opposite of a train...
**Later explaining the incident...**
Me: ...Opposite of a train...
Friend: That's not a train! That's a trolley!!!
Boy: What's that supposed to mean?!?!?!? **While looking at his crotch**

Yes, it was epic.

Not A Peep...Ok...Maybe Just One

I will be blogging my awful road adventures this weekend, but right now I'm going to discuss my hardcore workout...and that is a lie.
I have a gazelle. It isn't mine...one of those things a roommate left. It's my best friend being that the lower half of my body is Sir Mix-a-Lot's dream.
This is my first day back with my friend, Gazelle. Being sick and feeling like dying had knocked me off of it for months. I read that the disease I'm possibly diagnosed with deteriorates muscles, so I have invested in protein shakes and decided to make more time to do something.
At first, I was like a big headed baby trying to walk, wobbling and bobbling as if I didn't really know how to use my feet. After a minute or so, it came back and I was gliding and on a roll.
I only spent about 20 minutes with G but I felt fantastic!!!
What I'm wondering is:
Is eating a peep post workout counter productive? In my defense, it was on top of the protein shake and fell as if to say I needed it. And it was only one...
I ate the rest of the pack yesterday....
Just sayin...

If I Stroke Out, It's Most Definitely YOUR Fault

I have felt like shit lately. My head pounds and I'm so exhausted that unloading the dish washer seems like climbing Mt Everest. My hands shake and my heart beats so fast and hard that I feel like it's going to bust out of my chest like Freddy Kruger. (You know what I'm talking about...that scene where he comes out of the kid's chest in the 4th or 5th movie....)
Today is the first day that I didn't need a nap or feel like I was going to fall out more than twice. (Really...it feels like an accomplishment) In my happy-I-didn't-die-today mood, I went to get some cash out of the bedroom so that I could take my beautiful spawn and my cute nephew to get ice cream tonight. To my surprise...the money that was there (we'll say $300+) is GONE! Where, you may ask. Well...I'm not sure.
Being that I rarely carry cash, I know that it wasn't me...because spending cash would be a notable moment. I'm assuming it was my 7 year old...who must have put it on her lunch account...even though she gets lunch free because her mother is broke.
It also could have been used to purchase Britney Spears paraphernalia, as she is obsessed. And when I find whoever took her to purchase such things with my hard earned sammich money, I'm probably going to kill them.
I mean really, who gets a kick out of taking money from someone who couldn't even afford their car payment and insurance? Seriously...it's ridiculous. And my kid is so grounded for her theft...cuz really...it MUST have gone to Brit Brit stuff. Because there is nothing else to show for it.