Guess What Your Shit Smells Like!?!?!?

Shit. Yes that's right folks. It's a rarity when your shit will smell like something other than dung. (Occasionally baby poo smells like ham...but being that anyone that is reading this is most likely NOT a baby...)
If you honestly feel that your shit is better than anyone else's, why not donate it to science, as I'm sure the world would be extremely interested in this fantastic dump that is unlike any other deuce dropped into the sewer system. (Or wherever else people are dropping the Browns off at nowadays...)
And in a side note to dookie, if you like to spread your business as much as you spread your legs, that's your issue. Don't spread other people's business. If somebody wants to know, tell them "Hey! I got a great idea! Go ask them!" Don't say "Well, her husband bought a hooker on eBay and then paid her to sit in a tub of Pepto and rub his feet with garlic! Isn't that crazy? But don't tell her I told you." Would you like the people you're talking about to tell everyone else your shit? No? OK.
And to go with that...if you don't want your business spread, don't tell the people that spread it. If you were previously unaware of their crop dusting abilities, you are now.
Do not drag other people into your bullshit either. If you would like to vent or ask for advice, by all means, do so. But do not expect us to play negotiator and step in. (If you decide to step in, don't drop somebody on their ass when they're leaning on you and then bullshit about why you turned your back to take the heat off yourself for being a shitty friend. Also, please see next line.)
Handle your shit. You are grown. If you can't handle a situation that you have gotten yourself into, please make a mental note to either learn to deal with it or to avoid said situation again. Don't take it out on people who really aren't involved and expect them to remedy the situation...I am not Jason Mraz. I do not have the remedy (although if Mr. Mraz would like to share his remedy, I'll more than gladly partake. I'll even try a veggie burger!).

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!