Single parenting sucks. It sucks harder than a 2cent hooker trying to make rent. (or due to inflation, she may now be a 5cent hooker...) For example, on this day, I am off. The only day this week that I'm off (aside from Easter...which is a holiday and has no relaxing qualities) and can spend time with my baby bear doing fun exciting day time things. For some reason days off are a signal to her that she should act like a punk ALL DAY LONG and most definitely wake up at the ass crack of dawn.
In my head I envisioned us paying bills (yes...excitement around every corner!) and then maybe painting or coloring with sidewalk chalk and getting dyed by colored bubbles that don't actually wash out of much other than your skin. The vision was cut short when she decided that 10AM is an appropriate time to play drums. I then explain that during spring break the kids that aren't 7 and ready to take over the world as soon as the sun comes up are probably still asleep and maybe the drums should wait until everybody in the neighborhood is awake. This causes some kind of mental break down where my daughter has decided that she can revert back to toddlerism and act a damn fool. It also causes repressed memories to resurface. And I am reminded of how she did not have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and did not get a Wii for Christmas. Oh...and that I hate her.
This is the most frustrating part of my life. Anytime that she begins her "You hate me because you will not shell out hundreds of dollars on *insert random expensive activity and/or contraption*" Because as all parents are aware, we want to spend hundreds of dollars on the things they want and give them the Veruca Salt (the character...not the band. Although Imperfect and Born Entertainer are fabulous songs that make me sway and act a fool while singing) lifestyle they'd dream of. We want to spend mass quantities of money putting them in activities and keeping them busy with things that will teach them life-lessons like team work and ambition and what-not. But the reality is life is costly. And when you work 20-30 hours a week for less than $10 an hour because you can't work past 3pm in order to maintain a healthy schedule for your child who has major issues when not on a schedule...and the so-called-father of your child can't pay child support because "it takes 2 incomes to run a household" (yes! This was stated to me!!! The single mother! Out of the mouths of assholes...) or he forgot or he didn't make it to the post office or *insert other bullshit excuse that would assist Lana Warlick in handing me his balls in a Crown Royal satchel* you can't accomplish these things. When it boils down to pay the electric bill in full or buy groceries and pay half the electric, things like birthdays and Christmas take a back seat. (I regularly thank the ruler of the universe that my daughter was born around tax time)
And the parent that is working their ass off at trying to make a life for them year round instead of just the 6 weeks a year that they are around takes the damaging remarks. Because the parent that isn't here is better. They don't ground you or make you do homework or clean your room. So they are fantastic! And until they have their own ankle biters running around, it will remain that way. And when the so-called-father can't talk to you because the future step-mother is a jealous old hag, it makes it hard to call and vent your frustrations to the person that deserves it. But one day...karma will bite them in the ass. And I will smile and fly away on my private jet to my island with Johnny, where we will re-enact the scene in Pirates with the rum...only there will most definitely be nudity...
PS: I do not blame the jealous old hag. I am quite attractive in comparisson and if given the choice to sleep with myself or a nearing-50-year-old-canadian-hippie, Masturbation will win!
PPS: Yes I am blogging on my time with the fruit of my loins, but she is taking a nap because she "is not tired and naps are for old people and babies"
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